It was just a normal conversation with my colleague last week, during a short coffee break at the office kitchen. He is a student like me and he started at the company just one week after I arrived there. We were talking of everyday things... school, plans, work and the world around us, when I - I don't know why - told him:

I: "I suppose I am a lot younger than you, am I not?"
He: "I wouldn't be very sure of that..."
I: "Well, how old are you?"
He: "I am 25. (or 26? I can't remember correctly what he said, but it isn't that important)
I: "As for me, I am 19"
He: "Well, yes, then you really are..."

Isn't it funny? I can't tell I am not used to these kind of reactions. Because he was really surprised, as everybody, whom I tell my exact age. Such reactions are something I can't really describe - they are always like a mixture of surprise, curiosity and disbelief. And also a bit of the "oh, you are so young yet" message that made me suffer for so many long years...

...just because I was two years younger than most of my schoolmates at high school. Right at the time when your age, your looks, your affiliation to fashion (and such things) and your position amongst your classmates are equally important to determine your popularity. And the single fact you were younger, well, it meant that you were also someone childish, uncool, and after all, a very incompetent person. No, I wasn't tortured... but these adjectives mentioned above resulted in such widespread judgements that I was weak, timid and unworthy of even such everyday things as joining my classmates to cinema or a party. Soon I started to strengthen my shield (that I have already built, as in higher primary school I was "officially" excommunicated...) and created my own world, where fantasy, God and some kind of purpose equally got their roles, and although I still talked to some of my classmates, pranked the teachers and cheated at tests together with them, my thoughts were somewhere else. Somehow I managed to find community and meaning to my life beyond school, but this bitter loneliness, this really accompanied my teenage years.

When I look back now, sometimes I feel that all those years filled with suffering, feeling of loneliness and alienation are gone and now I can finally be creative, be proactive, be proud of myself. And last but not least, I can be myself. Since I started college, I have found friends - although not yet a soulmate - at my school, whom I can give my love to and receive love from. I am getting my wings, sometimes with an incredible speed. Some people say I have no fear and sense of danger and maybe they are right. But sometimes - and I am really not proud of it - I feel myself being the youngest girl in high school class again. This year, just before summer, I met some of my old classmates when we were visiting one of the teachers together. Although with some of them (the loud and popular crew), I still didn't (and couldn't) talk, I felt that a smaller part, who obviously became more mature - just like I did - finally accepted me... Even if I still wouldn't call them friends, this act gave me faith, and maybe one day when I'll return to a class meeting, I can fully be the person I probably am somewhere deep inside and who I want to become... when I really take those wings and start to fly.

Finally, finally, finally! I am done with my exams. I am extremely tired. EXTREMELY. I have had some tough period in the last few weeks, especially because I was lagging behind with things that should be done - probably because of Model European Union - which was GREAT.

I still owe an (at least a brief) story about this prominent week. Well, let's see... We departed from Budapest (by car) on Sunday, 25 May, at 0.30 am (:o) and arrived to Strasbourg in the late afternoon. We met the organizers and other participants in the restaurant where we had dinner. From next day on we were "working" in the European Parliament (our plenary being the conference room of European Socialists). My role was to represent a Czech conservative member of the European Parliament, and although there were times when I got lost in the huge load of information (i.e. which amendment of us has passed, which hasn't, and generally in what phase the debate is), soon I found the necessary routine ;) We also had breakfast, lunch and coffee breaks in the European Parliament (the pastries were delicious! :)))). The evenings were even better :) I still remember the wonderful talks and crazy moments when we were visiting that nice bar in Kehl, Germany, having parties in La Java (or just hanging out without going any particular place) and discussed the agenda in an informal setting :) Wednesday was the last day we were acting like politicians/journalists/lobbyists - from Thursday we had workshops (like "Quo vadis EU-Russia?"), a meeting with a "real" MEP and some info sessions about AEGEE, JEF, Model European Union 2009 and Youth in Action Programme. I chose the last one and I must tell that I got really inspired to start a programme corresponding with European values and streghtening intercultural ties. I don't have an idea yet but I am sure that I want to be an active citizen in the future and MEU was kind of the first step to do that. :)

Thank you AEGEE and all the wonderful people I have met during this week.

P.S.: I have passed my English exam!!! So in a few weeks I will hold my Advanced level Business English certificate in my hands - it's a wonderful feeling :)

...I just haven't had the mood to write anything. But don't think that nothing interesting happened to me. Actually, let's start with the first important announcement that some of you already know:

One week passed and I still haven't done anything from my school work.

Nem lesz ez így jó, Kriszti...

If anyone of you needs lessons of how to make yourself totally "snowed in" (that's how we say "very busy") for two or three weeks, just tell me, I can help. I decided to make a presentation for Business Ethics for 22nd February, and one for International and EU law on 29th. (Wheeee, it's a leap year! :D). The latter has to be kept for an entire hour, but good news that I will make it together with my friend and hopefully we can get someone else to join the party as well.

I am also letting you know my schedule: here it is:





There aren't many classes, I admit, but I decided to look for a job this semester so hopefully I can do some work on Mondays (between, let's say, 8 and 12) and on Tuesdays and Wednesdays (in the afternoon). I also need to visit extra French classes because now that I started Business French, I really need to improve the language.

And I was really antisocial and felt down in the past few days. Now there seems to be some light for me again. But... I think I am sick. My throat hurts and I am shivering all the time of cold. I hope I didn't catch some nasty virus...

Today I had, have and will have a tiring day. It started with being angry because of Neptun - I took International and EU law a few weeks earlier but they divided the group into two, and I, of course, got into the class of the worse teacher (while all my friends got to the better teacher, of course). The differences are so huge, you can imagine, the woman gives a good grade for almost nothing, but as I heard from others, many of the other people who were by the man FAILED their exams. :( So obviously all the places are full by the woman. Normally we have the opportunity to ask the chair to expand the number of places in a lecture, and this is what I wanted to do all the time yesterday and today. I tried to call the chair but no one answered, despite of the fact that the woman had her open hours today, between 10 and 11 am. Well, as we can modify our schedule until Friday next week, I will definitely go and ask the chair when I am there (school starts next week).

But some good news: I managed to take European History and Culture in English. It was tough because for some reason, I wasn't able to take it in the student information system because of an error. I had to ask the Studies Dept to take it for me. I really, badly wanted to take this class, and now I did it :D Oh and I forgot to mention that the teacher is called Neil Thurston and he is native British :)))

Well... where was I? Oh, yes... :D After I decided not to ruin my day with being nervous all the time, I had a shower, washed my hair and THEN, I went to the shops to buy chocolate for a cake we (my granny and I) baked in the afternoon... I also brought out the remains of the Christmas tree (just in time, right?) all by myself because nobody helped me. It made my hand bleed several times and it still hurts. And I started cleaning up as well. But I am no way done. I have just finished baking and I am tired like hell. And I still need to go to the church and then, meet my friends from the youth group.

Tomorrow we are making a Carnival party for kids at the parish so we better start organizing... :/

Okay, here I am after the Christmas holidays. I'm feeling well but I really have to start studying soon (having exams on 3 and 4 January, bleh). Going to a pre-New Year party tomorrow with my altar server friends which will be funny because on real New Year I won't go anywhere. :(
I guess some of my friends from college will come to Budapest for a party in the Castle District (hardly anyone is from Budapest) but honestly, I really hate those kind of parties they will have. (Spending time in a small room where there is loud music so you can't hear your friends, music styles that I hate, cigarette smoke so that you can't breathe, no place for you to sit down, lots of drunk people etc)
I'd prefer those events when you can talk a lot with your friends, play games or make other fun things. Once my friends (whom I am going to meet tomorrow) and I decided to visit someone of us at 10 pm and we stayed by her until 2 am, talking, watching South Park and drinking red wine :D
So, now I have to find out what kind of cookies I shall bring there tomorrow. And, then, bake. I'll see. :D

And to see how unlucky I was during the Christmas holidays, I must tell that my immune system got very weak in the past few weeks, I was sick, had temperature (from being so over-stressed) on 24th in the morning. And as a rule, my mouth is full of aphtas AGAIN, so I literally couldn't taste those cookies my mum baked for Christmas, because after the second bite, the inside of my mouth started to ache SO bad that I had to stop eating. And they don't want to heal, they are still there, now I am sipping a glass of vermouth I got from my grandmother, she said I got it to heal those wounds :) she is so sweet, isn't she? :)

Ah, now I have to start studying or make something smart instead of being here in front of my computer for hours. :/

Whoa, I'm done with all school things until Christmas, so now it's time to make something more fun. :) I'm about to start preparations (just in time, am I right? :D) but I suppose I will make all these things until Christmas Eve. For example, I can't wait for the day (it might be Friday) when my mum and I will go and choose the christmas tree. Oh, that smell... it resembles Christmas so much, and it feels so good after being kinda sick from the big plazas' and companies' marketing attacks...
In the last two weeks, let's see, I had Finance of companies (I did kinda bad in this - I didn't fail but I want to get a better grade, so I'll write this again in January), IT test (still no results), Business etiquette and protocol presentation (well, this was FUN :D), Business law exam (this was pretty easy :))) and this week Statistics and today Operation research tests. Blah.
I also have to mention that I slept about 4 hours in the night so I'm about to faint... Tomorrow I guess I will go to a morning mass held in my past school. I really love morning masses and this one is unique because they have guitar music there. For me it means so much more than "ordinary" church music played by organs. Nah. Then I'll go shopping, get the perfume I chose especially for myself (that will be one of my Christmas gifts) and after then, I will meet my friend and we'll take a walk in the Castle District! I hope we'll have some more snow tomorrow.
And I really hope that my envelopes sent on Monday will arrive to their destinations until Christmas...

I am so sorry that I haven't written earlier - I have so many things to do now, so maybe you could forgive me that I will only write a few keywords that came into my mind:

- tests next week :( Statistics, Operation research (what's it called in English? :o) and Applied IT.
- riots again in Budapest, national holiday tomorrow, eek!...
- congratulations to Poland :D
- started a thesis collection for a contest named "Tézeusz 2011" - I must write some ideas for the year 2011, when Hungary will bear EU presidency for half a year. From the 5 themes available I chose Lisbon Strategy. :)
- It's autumn - my favourite season! - the weather is wonderful, although it's veeeery cold! :(
- I am eating raspberry yoghurt right now.

That's all... See you next time :)

This is the situation when I really shouldn't be online. It's nearly half past eleven, tomorrow school, a Business English test (about Marketing), for which I barely learnt anything - had another schoolwork things to do at the weekend.
At first, I was busy with the eco-geo translation. I had to restart the work because on Wednesday I realised that the previous one wasn't good for the topic (Carbon dioxide trading transaction types in the EU). Had to find another article, but I found it - did you know that Hungary auctioned 1,2 million CO2 allowances in December? ;D And wants to sell more in March :D So it was a good topic, not so hard text, I did it in two days.
Today my best friend was here for lunch. After it, we prepared our presentations for Taxes and Supports class - corporate tax in Hungary and in Ireland.
I also did some Maths problems (not many, but whatever). Test week is coming, ugh. :p

Hm... this is my first post after I returned from AIESEC camp. Although I changed my mind and won't join AIESEC, I think it was one of the most significant event in my life in the past 6 months. It was a little bit shocking to get so many informations in 2 days - like growing up in just 2 days, I can say :o
So, the newest project is to make order between my thoughts and find WHO I am exactly and what I want to do after college. It will be a hard but important process, so keep your fingers crossed for me!
But it's also possible, that I'm a little bit more sensitive these days :) who knows...

Schoolwork is... well, good. At least it excites me a little bit! I have to translate an article for the environment ecomy - yeah, the same teacher as in last semester with eco-geo - until 14th March. 15th March (Thursday) is our national holiday, and we'll get 4 days because we neither have to go to work on Friday, but have to go on the previous Saturday, 10th March.
After those days we'll have a spring break. It will be a week, and between that week and Easter, we'll have tests. Yea, tests, homework, translations, everything you can imagine. And I'm still sitting here in front of my computer. Dang.

I am selected for AIESEC camp this weekend. This will be the second step in becoming an AIESEC member :D:D:D You can check http://www.aiesec.org to see what AIESEC is... for me it's a HUGE opportunity :D
But well, school is a bit tiring sometimes... *yawn*