See you at new address:

http://szirmaik.wordpress.com

Hát ez is eljött. Utolsó nap a munkahelyen... Nem maradhattam tovább, vizsgák, miegymás. Sötét konyha, távozás előtt egy pár perccel. Már csak a litván feliratos, munkahelyen használt reklámbögréim elmosogatása maradt az egyetlen feladatom. Belátom, nem megy nagyon a búcsúzkodás. De az egyik munkatársam utolsó szavaira, hogy biztosan lesz jövőm, mert olyan törtető vagyok, szerintem még sokáig emlékezni fogok. Amit válaszoltam, őszintén mondtam, nem felvágásból, inkább a kihívás vállalásának reményében... azt mondtam, hogy ha majd egyszer, úgy tíz év múlva, azt hallják valahol, hogy kineveztek a nem tudom minek az élére, akkor emlékezzenek rám. Hogy itt kezdtem.

Adja Isten, hogy valóban úgy is legyen.

I love such days.

I love when I am crossing the mighty Danube when it's snowing. It's like being in the middle of a snow cloud, seeing nothing but the white eternity. And after getting off that bridge, seeing the city all dressed in white... it's something magical and very lyrical to me.

And despite (or rather because of) the falling snow I walked on in our neighbourhood while it was almost dark, with music in my ears, and even though my hair, my face and my hands were getting wet of the melted snow, I felt a free, light and somewhat pure feeling in my soul.

Yes, I believe these moments are those that really belong to me.

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has... come.

It seems that finally, something positive is starting to happen here. I'm afraid have been messing things up in the past few weeks... I had to make several hard decisions, and I also had a few conflicts with people important to me. And I was longing for some things that would make my life a little bit more interesting.
But now things are becoming more and more clear. I am having new plans ;)

And last night has taught me something important as well. "Parish parties" are still great. :D

Why the hell do I see advertisements on my livejournal when I am not logged in?!!! How mean is this from all the Livejournal crew? Come on, this is the first time I face such a problem! And I have a free account, normally I wouldn't have advertisements if I chose this, only if I decided to upgrade to Plus (or so!)

Does anyone of you have an idea how to get rid of them...?

I am going to see José Manuel Barroso. In real life. And I am not kidding. ;)

Sometimes I find hidden treasures from the past; this time it came as a booklet with the title: "Pisces: This is your horoscope for the 365 days of the year 1989" (My dad was Pisces). I looked at the paragraph saying "Sunday, 9 July" - and a sentence caught my eye:

"Although nothing important happens today, the days of peaceful monotony like this could be the ones that may be truly happy".

Yes... Did I read NOTHING IMPORTANT? One has a daughter on that day and it's NOTHING IMPORTANT? I'm deeply offended :DDDDD

It was just a normal conversation with my colleague last week, during a short coffee break at the office kitchen. He is a student like me and he started at the company just one week after I arrived there. We were talking of everyday things... school, plans, work and the world around us, when I - I don't know why - told him:

I: "I suppose I am a lot younger than you, am I not?"
He: "I wouldn't be very sure of that..."
I: "Well, how old are you?"
He: "I am 25. (or 26? I can't remember correctly what he said, but it isn't that important)
I: "As for me, I am 19"
He: "Well, yes, then you really are..."

Isn't it funny? I can't tell I am not used to these kind of reactions. Because he was really surprised, as everybody, whom I tell my exact age. Such reactions are something I can't really describe - they are always like a mixture of surprise, curiosity and disbelief. And also a bit of the "oh, you are so young yet" message that made me suffer for so many long years...

...just because I was two years younger than most of my schoolmates at high school. Right at the time when your age, your looks, your affiliation to fashion (and such things) and your position amongst your classmates are equally important to determine your popularity. And the single fact you were younger, well, it meant that you were also someone childish, uncool, and after all, a very incompetent person. No, I wasn't tortured... but these adjectives mentioned above resulted in such widespread judgements that I was weak, timid and unworthy of even such everyday things as joining my classmates to cinema or a party. Soon I started to strengthen my shield (that I have already built, as in higher primary school I was "officially" excommunicated...) and created my own world, where fantasy, God and some kind of purpose equally got their roles, and although I still talked to some of my classmates, pranked the teachers and cheated at tests together with them, my thoughts were somewhere else. Somehow I managed to find community and meaning to my life beyond school, but this bitter loneliness, this really accompanied my teenage years.

When I look back now, sometimes I feel that all those years filled with suffering, feeling of loneliness and alienation are gone and now I can finally be creative, be proactive, be proud of myself. And last but not least, I can be myself. Since I started college, I have found friends - although not yet a soulmate - at my school, whom I can give my love to and receive love from. I am getting my wings, sometimes with an incredible speed. Some people say I have no fear and sense of danger and maybe they are right. But sometimes - and I am really not proud of it - I feel myself being the youngest girl in high school class again. This year, just before summer, I met some of my old classmates when we were visiting one of the teachers together. Although with some of them (the loud and popular crew), I still didn't (and couldn't) talk, I felt that a smaller part, who obviously became more mature - just like I did - finally accepted me... Even if I still wouldn't call them friends, this act gave me faith, and maybe one day when I'll return to a class meeting, I can fully be the person I probably am somewhere deep inside and who I want to become... when I really take those wings and start to fly.

A little bit more than one month has passed since I returned home from Lithuania. Since then, the season changed, and although the weather is still hot, soon I will have to prepare myself for a change as well, like if every autumn was is the beginning of something new. This means that I'll have to turn retrospective these days, looking back to memories I had in the latest period in my life. This obviously includes this journey, the story of what I left unfinished.
I don't deny the fact as I was uncertain to write about my meeting with Igor, because I was afraid of what reactions I get. But now I am certain that I was wrong. Still, I only want to tell that I've never met anyone before when I would feel that I knew this person for ages... And that we don't have to adapt to this crazy world to be accepted by someone as we are. We met in Šiauliai, and visited the Hill of Crosses - you can search for pictures of it, read the relevant wikipedia article and after, forget about it - none can really describe the amazing spirituality of this place. And right the same day, I got to the Baltic Sea, saw one of the most dramatic sunsets I have seen in my life, and when the night fell, I saw young people having fun everywhere in that town. I spent a night having a long, refreshing sleep in a tiny, little, romantic apartment in a small house - it reminded me of my childhood days in our old house in Balatonföldvár...
I love Palanga.
Next day, my hosts (Audronė and her family) brought me to the beach again, where I could finally bathe in the sea or just sit in the sand and watch people. I am still speechless of the wonderful hospitality I got from my hosts, they made me feel the magic over and over again. I went to church with them in the morning, had some white cheese, dark bread, lašiniai (no comment for this one) and many other things like that during the day, and shared stories, feelings, lives.
Unfortunately this was the last day with nice weather during my stay, so the next day (after meeting my next hosts, Aurimas and Renata, seeing another sunset and spending the night in Klaipėda) I departed to Nida and Curonian Spit in continuous rain. I don't have to mention that I got totally wet, and although the rain stopped until I arrived there, the sky was covered with thick gray clouds during almost the whole day. But thanks to the weather, I could see the amazing beauty of the nature without any annoying tourist groups in sight, and as I was alone, nobody disturbed me when I sat on my raincoat between teo dunes and stared in the endless, thinking and feeling :)
Liepāja in Latvia, on the next day was also beautiful. :) It was a shock for me though that I almost froze (I left my pullover at home), I (almost) got lost, I was almost tricked in one shop (although not deliberately, I think), and I didn't have enough time to visit Karosta and the once-was Soviet military base. But I loved Liepāja coast and, especially, the lake. I really want to return to Latvia one day to discover other towns and hidden beauties...
And I am afraid I am only repeating myself when I am talking about my train journey from Klaipėda to Vilnius, my feelings towards this bohème city, the small, lovely streets and the living, new cityscape with high-rises, the view of the Neris and the hills around Vilnius. Somehow I loved the feeling of the city, it has something that I miss from Budapest, maybe it would be some witty craziness and playfulness, I don't know... I spent a lovely time with Edita, Laurynas (the Wise... ;)), another friend of Edita whose name I can't remember :(, Lina (I was with her when saw night Vilnius from above, with Švyturys and Badacsonyi Merlot... where are you, Lina, I really waited for you to come to Hungary this August... :(), Miglė and Jovita. I saw some of the dramatically beautiful lakes of Aukštaitija National Park and before I finally had to leave Vilnius, I could wander around the old town, saying farewell to this country that brought me so many wonderful memories and experiences. I can recall the feeling when I was about to go to the train station in the evening, it was almost dark and raining, the lamps of cars painting such a strange ensemble of lights on the pavement. And I cried. (Yes, this is a thing that I don't want to hide, but anyway, I cry really very often, so... ;))
But I felt home already when I arrived back to Poland. If Poland was a person, I am sure I would love it as a parent, or a very dear family member... And wherever I go, I can only feel that Poles and Hungarians are really friends... Amazing. ;) I was so lucky to get to know Białystok and Warsaw  being with you, Ewa, Wojtech (or Wojciech?), Małgorzata and Scott :)

So... that was it. That was it? No. But at least you get the brief story now, and let's hope it isn't unfinished yet. By the way... right now I am trying to convince my best friend, to go somewhere nice for a weekend in September... like Croatia, it's not so far away ;) but she resists :( Ah, how I wish she was at least a little bit like me.

Yes. I'm having an awful sore throat. I can't even speak normally without feeling a huge pain in my throat - so the only thing I can do is not to speak AT ALL, or at least very few. Interesting when you are in such a situation, you suddenly start to pay attention of what you are saying because every word is a torture.
What a terrible Sunday it was. I don't want to tell you details, but besides catching this cold, I couldn't even get some rest as I originally wanted to - on the contrary, I got so tired and exhausted from doing things that came all of a sudden, battling with disturbing coincidences...
Plus, we were going back from Balatonföldvár. I think I have used to the fact that usually I am the one whom travel stress is relieved on, but this day I was even more sensitive that I am usually, so these events made me feel miserable even more.
Of course I couldn't sleep either. And I have to go to work today. Let's hope I will survive... :/

I have completed the first ever work day of my life. And I love to be "working"... :)

...that despite every sober mind (as we say it in Hungarian) I went directly to Balatonföldvár with my mother after arriving home from Lithuania.

(just a note: as I said I will probably continue my writings about that country, but not now :))

So, last weekend (well, not really just a weekend as we were there between Friday last week and Wednesday morning this week) was full of adventures and surprises, as a rule after arriving home after one or two weeks spent away from my well-known environment. What can I say, I soon found myself longing for a bit of silence after all :)

First of all, adventures started with the mobile phone we found in the parking lot of the OBI in Siófok, only 20 kms from Balatonföldvár, where we have just popped in to buy some flowers to plant in the garden. I really can't help myself noticing things like this, and that mobile phone was just lying quietly in the grass so I just had to come across it. My mum phoned the last name that could be found in the list of incoming calls and some hours later the owner of the mobile phone showed up at our house to get it back. He was so grateful to us... he told us that he lives in Germany and he was at home only for three weeks... and that last year he had also lost his phone while being in Hungary :P He also brought us a small bottle of Unicum, as an expression of his gratitude. :)))))

After a while, we soon experienced the geranium story. The story is the following - my granny has had a geranium for about two years. Last year the whole plant did not produce a single flower, but my granny protected and pampered it just like a child. It wasn't annoying back then, just plain funny. But this year she somehow invented the idea of multiplying it, so she soon cut off parts of the geranium and planted them as well. Now it looks like two leaves in a big box filled with soil :D A few weeks ago, I planted petunias in the balcony boxes. Two of them died, from the same box, in the northwestern façade, so she soon replaced the empty box with her geraniums. But when I arrived there, I told her that I would rather see my two Impatiens-flowers in that window and replaced her geraniums with the box full of Impatiens. She got offended of course and started complaining that her geraniums are now going to die. (Even when I offered to put the geraniums back in he window, since if we really want, there is a place for a third box in the window that originally contained two.) My mum just tried everything, including pointing to the fact that the northwestern façade is maybe not the best  place ever for a flower as all the storms come from that direction. The next day my granny had an even better idea. She wanted to put her geraniums in her own window, that faces the street, which was full of beautifully blooming petunias. I didn't really like this idea either, and my mum agreed as well, but she also told me to be more patient with my granny. :P I understood it perfectly, but about half an hour later, when I heard yelling and a fierce debate, I showed up smiling and asked "what's the story" My mum only said with a sad face "Geranium". "Aha" - said I. :))))

So, after I did some work in the garden (cutting the grass, planting flowers, etc) and looking after young Donát, we were about to go home on Tuesday morning. But the morning we wanted to go home the "Vándorffy-channel" (I call the news-service of my relatives this way since half of my wider family, whom we have in our neighbourhood, are called Vándorffy) told us that actually a 2-tonnes bomb from World War II was found in our district (IXth, Ferencváros) and that almost all the district (about 16,000 people) was going to be evacuated. No wonder we decided to stay for one more day, arriving home on Wednesday in the late morning. As I was done with all my work there, I used this spare day to go swimming in the lake, which was great as always but way too crowded :( Anyway, it's nice to be home again - tomorrow my mum will return to Balatonföldvár for the weekend, but I told her I would rather stay in Budapest alone for a few days - sometimes it feels good :)

I chose to have a voluntary two-days solitude near the "Hungarian Sea"... yeah, I am going there alone, and while I am there, I'm going to mow the lawn because we've heard that our garden is like a jungle now. :))))))))))))))

Finally, finally, finally! I am done with my exams. I am extremely tired. EXTREMELY. I have had some tough period in the last few weeks, especially because I was lagging behind with things that should be done - probably because of Model European Union - which was GREAT.

I still owe an (at least a brief) story about this prominent week. Well, let's see... We departed from Budapest (by car) on Sunday, 25 May, at 0.30 am (:o) and arrived to Strasbourg in the late afternoon. We met the organizers and other participants in the restaurant where we had dinner. From next day on we were "working" in the European Parliament (our plenary being the conference room of European Socialists). My role was to represent a Czech conservative member of the European Parliament, and although there were times when I got lost in the huge load of information (i.e. which amendment of us has passed, which hasn't, and generally in what phase the debate is), soon I found the necessary routine ;) We also had breakfast, lunch and coffee breaks in the European Parliament (the pastries were delicious! :)))). The evenings were even better :) I still remember the wonderful talks and crazy moments when we were visiting that nice bar in Kehl, Germany, having parties in La Java (or just hanging out without going any particular place) and discussed the agenda in an informal setting :) Wednesday was the last day we were acting like politicians/journalists/lobbyists - from Thursday we had workshops (like "Quo vadis EU-Russia?"), a meeting with a "real" MEP and some info sessions about AEGEE, JEF, Model European Union 2009 and Youth in Action Programme. I chose the last one and I must tell that I got really inspired to start a programme corresponding with European values and streghtening intercultural ties. I don't have an idea yet but I am sure that I want to be an active citizen in the future and MEU was kind of the first step to do that. :)

Thank you AEGEE and all the wonderful people I have met during this week.

P.S.: I have passed my English exam!!! So in a few weeks I will hold my Advanced level Business English certificate in my hands - it's a wonderful feeling :)

Childish, but today I decided to visit an event centered around Europe Day (9 May), and of course I stacked up with two plastic bags of entirely useless things: T-shirt with EU stars, mug, EU pen, European Parliament pen, beer opener combined with keychain (!!!), coin purse, mobile phone strip, EU-style umbrella... And as there were tents of some EU member states (and other countries, too, like Turkey... :o), I brought a Slovenia umbrella, 2 Slovenia pins, Slovenia sticker, Belgium pen, Belgium pencil, Malta poster and some tourist brochures - all these things being carried in a Malta and a Portugal plastic bag. The Portuguese guys also made me taste some Portuguese wine, and I must say it's really great :) Well, I admit that the event was more like a propaganda that a mental challenge, but it was still fun to look around :) AND I also saw our European Commissioner, but I didn't stay to listen him for too long, because he rather spoke about Schengen, the euro and many other things that everyone knows about (at least I hope)

The other part of my post centered around the European Union is maybe more interesting :) A few weeks ago I applied for the Model European Union simulation game taking place in the EP, Strasbourg. My application is accepted so between 25 and 31 May I'll do nothing else than representing a given fraction as the delegate of a given country in the European Parliament (I don't know my role yet - maybe I'll receive it in a few days). But the thing I know is that it will be a VERY challenging event and I better give all the abilities I have into this game :))))) You can learn more about this event here :)

I am having an Advanced level Business English exam on Saturday, 3 May. (listening & writing... oral exam to be expected on 23 May)
I am frightened even of writing this down...
Dang. I trust in myself. I hope my English skills are not THAT bad and I have read generally the whole English coursebook, printed and read about 50 business letters from the net hoping I'll be able to remember those difficult expressions in them AND I have even written quite a few business letters, reports, summaries and only God knows what else... but I am still very afraid... is my language knowledge "professional" enough for passing the exams?...

Anyway, after the exam I am going to Balatonföldvár and will be back to Bp on Monday in the early morning.

...I just haven't had the mood to write anything. But don't think that nothing interesting happened to me. Actually, let's start with the first important announcement that some of you already know:

He passed away today, at about 11 in the morning, after an illness he had for several years. I still cannot believe it... I know he is in heaven now, seeing God and smiling healthy again.

Goodbye dad, I'll never forget you.